Excited and Frustrated at the same time

WOW what a day we have had in the world of adoption. I woke up this morning to find an event on my facebook that is a fundraiser for our adoption. A girl we know set this up for us. It is a raffle with four great prizes and after her first dai she has alreadi raised $45 dollars for us. I am so proud of her and appriciate her hard work imensli. Secondli I got the mail this afternoon and in it was a letter from a grant organization I applied to awarding us $4,000. I was told when I applied for this particular grant that there average awards were between $1,500 and $3,000. How we got $4,000 I'll never know, must have been God. Incredible. It made me do a happy dance in our living room. We are so close to having a baby I just know it. I am so excited.
        Here is where the frustration comes in. Mere moments after I got the mail (I was still jumping up and down in excitement) I received an email from the adoption agency. They had received the news of our grant and were letting us know. The way the grant works is they pay it to the adoption agency at the time we receive the baby. Generally this is not a problem. Every one knows the money is coming. At the end of this email our case worker says that we have a balance of  $197.00 on our account (this I knew, it is due before we go to the next fee) she continues that as soon as we pay this she can start showing our book to all the birth mothers. WAIT? WHAT? I thought they were showing our book to birth mothers for the last nine months and no one has chosen us  yet.  I was greatly confused and greatly frustrated because on several occasions now the agency has called us and asked our permission to show a book to a mother with health issues. Now so far none of these have worked out but I don't understand why they could show our book to those mothers when we hadn't paid the fee and not "regular mothers" Furthermore nobody told me this fee had to be paid before they showed our book and as I've said I thought they were showing it this whole time. I was so frustrated I wanted to cry because I felt like we have missed out on months we could have been matched with a baby. Dan says I should actually feel good about it because people haven't been looking at our book and not choosing us they just simply haven't been shown it. So hopefully once it starts getting shown someone will pick us very soon. Which again is only $197.00 away.
          The other day India and I were rocking in the chair in the baby room and she ask if I would love the new baby more then her. We proceeded to have a very sweet conversation about how she loves daddy and I the same but that were different like mommy is especially good for cuddling and daddy is especially good for wrestling and it will be the same way with how we love the baby. We will love baby just as much as her but there are certain things we can do with her and not the baby (like go to princesses on ice) and certain things only the baby can do (like eat bottles and go in the swing)  It was a great little conversation she is going to such a great big sister.

some news, no news

        Everyone has been asking me "have you heard anything about the adoption?"  The short answer and the one I think everyone means is NO. In that no we have not been placed with a birth mother yet. Or no a birth mother has not chosen us as adoptive parents yet. It has been almost nine months since we got put on the list for birth mothers to choose from. I asked our case worker if there was any sort of an update for us and she said no. She gave us some tips such as be open to visits and a relationship with the birth parents which we are. Also to make sure everyone we possibly know knows that we are wanting to adopt cause there may be somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody that feels they can not raise their child and wants them to be adopted. I think we have done this but hey if anyone reading this wants to help get the word out please feel free.
          I have been told and I know its true, that God does everything in His timing not ours and that He knows exactly what baby is right for us and we have to be patient. I know all this, but it is so hard. I feel like India (our five year old daughter) is getting older by the second and I'm worried about what kind of relationship they will have being so far apart in age.
           As always money to fund the adoption is on my mind and here I do have news. Thanks to our fantastic church who just paid the adoption agency $3,565.23 we only have $296.77 dollars to go before we can move on to the next payment area which is the placement fee of $13,350 which is due at the time of placing the baby in our home. I know this sounds like a lot still but we have come so far. and in the grand scheme of things its not that much. We have still not heard if we've been awarded any of the grants we applied for but I have heard from several that they have received all our information and will let us know soon. I personally talked to the lady from Life Song who will hopefully be giving us a loan of around $12,000 until we can get our adoption tax credit to pay them back. Anyway she sounded very hopeful for us and we should know from them in about two weeks. If that comes through and a few of the other grants we applied for we should be just fine. Furthermore we have one more big fundraiser we are doing. Our cousin who is a senior in high school has made our adoption her senior project and will be raising money among the high school students. She is so great I am so thankful for her and her giving heart.
           Thank you God for finding a way when I thought it was nearly impossible to come up with 28,000. Thank you God for giving us a heart to adopt a child that so needs a loving home and thank you God for bringing this child into our lives.

Scholarships

         Last week I mailed off six scholorship applications and one adoption loan application. It was a grueling process but I feel great that its done and sent in. It takes several months to hear back from them all so we would appreciate prayers that the scholarship committees like our applications and grant us some money to help pay for the cost of our adoption. I feel confident that if we get some of these and then the loan we will have all the money to cover the adoption. That is a great feeeling.
         I may have said this before but I don't remember so I'll say it again. I know everybody says that adoption isnt about the money and at its heart it isn't. It is of course about a child finding a home where it will be loved forever. However I feel very strongly that money was a big hindrance to us and that if we could have just written a check for $28,000 at the begining then we would have had a baby by now. This is sad to me. Ok done ranting.
            Hooray scholarship applications are in the mail. Pray we get them and always if you now of any I may have missed (I will apply for more as I find them) or have any great fundraising ideas we would love to hear them.

WE LOVE OUR CHURCH

We had a fundraiser at church this last Sunday. It consisted of Dan and I talking about adoption during the sermon and then we had a free will offering and an ice cream social afterwards. It was very exciting especially for me because I never talk in church, Dan however does it regularly. Dan did a small sermon about how God has ordained adoption and that we are all adopted by God and then I talked about our upcoming adoption, how adoption works etc. I was a little nervous and there were a few things I forgot and so you get to here them now. 
           First of all i love our church family and have from the first day we came there nearly three years ago, when they loved us from the second we walked in the door and made us feel so comfortable and welcome. Secondly: One reason (among many) we are adopting is due to the high risk pregnancy i had with our first daughter. For a long time I was very bitter that I didn't get the wonderful pregnancy everyone had always told me about. But then i realized that God knew we were meant to adopt, that it was what was in outr hearts and he also knew that I would never have had the courage to do it if "having babies" was so easy for me. So this is how God went about giving me courage. The last thing I forgot to say was what we would like you to pray for. I made little prayer cards and handed them out but I forgot to talk about them.  If you could please pray for these three things: 1) For the birth mother: that she finds peace in this extremely difficult decision and that she finds us. 2) That we raise the remaining money needed for the adoption in a timely manner. 3) that we do not get discouraged in this long period of fundraising and waiting for a baby.
            This brings us back to our church fundraiser. Everyone said we did a great talk and enjoyed hearing about adoption. We raised a little over $1,800 on Sunday. That brings the total the church has raised for us up to a little over $3,500. I find this incredible for our small little church and am overwhelmed by the love they have always shown us and continue to show us. I can not wait to pay that amount to our adoption agency.
             I am hopeful that we can get the remaining amount of money we need through grants and special adoption loans. I have a cousin who wants to make our adoption her senior project for high school, pray that that goes good as well. Have anymore fundraising ideas? I am open to them!

$20,000 to go

I just made a payment to our adoption agency (Bethany Christian Services) of $2,828. That puts our total amount of money we need left to $20,172. I know that's a lot but it is very uplifting to me it seems like we are almost over the hump and it all downhill after $20,000. We will see. This was a combination of two garage sales, a jewelery  party, a personal donation and our own saved money. My next task is to start applying for all the grants and loans there are out there for adoption. The paperwork is so overwhelming it makes mi head hurt just thinking about it. But it has to be done and it will be.

On Juli 29th, our church is having us talk about adoption during the sermon time. A free will offering for the adoption and an ice cream social will follow. Everyone is welcome to come to church that day (and always) to here about our adoption story.

Our adoption story recent developments. I'm not sure I should be sharing this but it's an honest blog so here goes. A couple weeks ago we got an email from our agency saying they had a potential birth mom for us and was it ok if she looked at our book. Normally they don't tell you when people look at your book because they don't want to overly worry or excite you. However if there is a medical condition (in this case with the birth mother herself) involved they have to ask permission first. At first the medical condition seemed rather trivial so we were excited to have her look at our book. About a week latter we go another email that said the medical condition was more complicated then first known. This and another factor gave us pause but after thinking it through we decided we still want her to look at our book and IF she wants to meet us we will address the issues then. NOW DON"T GET EXCITED. (I have to tell myself that too) this just means someones looking at our book, it doesn't mean she wants to meet us or will pick us to be parents. If she does want to meet us we may find this is not a good fit for us and have to keep waiting. But it is something for us all to pray about please.

Blessings Abound

        We had another fundraiser this weekend and blessings abounded. We made $1,400 toward our adoption fund and had a great weekend meeting new people from our neighborhood. We had many people come and tell us about how they adopted there children and it was just really inspiring to see all the happy families and all the supportive people. It just really made me feel encouraged about what we are doing instead of discouraged. The sun was mostly out (a great accomplishment for Oregon) and it only poured for a couple hours. We had lots of help from family and friends and it was over all a great weekend. We also got a personal donation of $500 for the adoption which was quite a shock for us. We will be having another garage sale next weekend to try and get rid of all the left over stuff. Please come out and say hi.
         At church last Sunday we learned that there was another $500 dollars donated by church members bringing the total money our church has raised for us up to $1,500. Furthermore they have set up a day at the end of July where we will talk about adoption in church and then have an ice cream social and a free will offering. That is very exciting, I haven't talked in front of a church since I was in high school and I am excited to tell everyone about adoption. Of course all are welcome to come.  
            Through late orders from our jewelry show we raised a total of $320 dollars, we also have about $700 of our own money we have been saving. So I'm not gonna add up the totals but I will be making a big payment to the adoption agency next week and then I will change the amount we need to the right on this page.
           I just can't express how happy it makes my heart to see all the love and support from family and friends so thank you so much and keep the love coming.

Dreams and waiting

So i've ben having dreams about baby (who needs a better temporary name then baby. Dan votes for squishy but that just confuses India because her favorite baby doll is named squishy). Anyway the most recent dream i had was that there were two people from Oregon City who both picked us to be the parents of thier child and we had to decide wich one to take. I woke up and told Dan this and he goes "well thats easy we would take both of them." He's not wrong, we may be crazy but hes not wrong. Most of the time my dreams just are warm fuzzy feelings like rocking the baby and cooing at the baby with India at my side and stuff like that. It is an interesting feeling waiting for a baby when you don't know when its coming. In some ways its like being pregnant and you can't wait to see your child and you dream about it. In other ways its so differnt because you can't be sure that at the end of nine months you will actully get to see your baby. You may have to wait way longer then that or you may get lucky and get one way sooner. Not having a timeline is hard.
              In other waiting news I've gotten two emails from our adoption agency lately the first one was to tell me that they have not had anyone look at our book thus far. that thier just hasn't been the opertunity. Let me clarify what this means: the adoptive parents have a list of things they want in a baby and the birth mom has a list of things they want in an adoptive family. The agency matches these lists to each other and then shows a scrapebook of the adoptive family to the birthmom. She then decides if she wants to meet you. So what our adoption agency was saying was that they have had no matches to show our scerapebook to. In a way this is a relief, because it;s not that twenty birthmoms have seen our book and didn't like us it's that no one has seen our book. In another way it makes me think this is gonna take a while.

Fundraising: the nasty truth

         We had a fundraiser today. A lady from a jewelry company offered to give us 80% of the profits. This is a great deal. So for months I planned and planned this party. A jewelry party where people come and buy pretty jewelry and I would also talk about adoption so people could know more about it. I had free food. It was my goal to get 100 people there. I know that sounds like a lot but we have an extremely large family. My family alone (aunts, uncles, and cousins) is around 80 people. I have over 200 Facebook friends. Now i knew that not everyone would come and i knew that not most of them would come. But I did think my family would come, furthermore I asked everyone I invited to please bring a friend, so really 100 people didn't seem that high to me.
                13 people showed up 13.  Now I am extremely grateful to those 13 and between them we raised $182.00 for the adoption fund. But I'm just annoyed with everyone else who didn't come. It makes me so sad. Why can I get 46 people to come to my five year olds birthday party but I can only get 13 to come help give a baby a great home. Here is the nasty truth: FUNDRAISING SUCKS. I know people don't like giving there hard earned money away, I certainly don't, but you know what is equally un-fun? Asking for money and asking for help. Nobody likes it, I really don't like it. I wish I had a million dollars, or hey even $23,000 so I didn't have to go asking everyone I know for there help but I don't have that much, I don't have anywhere close to that much. So I'm left with the arduous task of fundraising which is so draining I can't believe it. I have a friend whose daughter has Cystic Fibrosis and it seems like all she ever does is fund raise to try and save her child's life. She is fast becoming my hero cause I don't know how she can stand all this fundraising stuff (much less all the other trials of having a daughter with Cystic Fibrosis).
                 If you are a friend or family member of ours (or just reading our blog) I am begging you to please support us. You do not need money, there are other ways to help, there is a whole blog on here entitled "What I can do to help" It is really heartbreaking to plan a party for 100 people and have 13 show up. It is really great to have a fundraiser and have a familiar face come say "hi, hows it going" that lifts our spirits. I'm sorry if this blog is kinda a downer but I said at the top we were gonna share our trials and joy and raising money is defiantly a trial.
                     

What Can I do to Help?

What Can I do to Help?

            1) Pray, pray, pray. Right now we have three specific prayer requests, they are the same ones we as a family every night: 1) That the baby already knows we love it. 2) That the birth mother finds peace in this extremely difficult decision and that she finds us. 3) That we raise enough money to fund this adoption

            2) You can also help by being involved in and coming to our fundraisers. It’s very disheartening not to have moral support of your friends and family.

            3) If you know of any great fundraising ideas please let us know, we are all ears

4) If you would like to donate money, why I think we might let you. You can even do it right now by going to the Pay Pal account on this page

Commonly Asked Questions About Our Adoption

Commonly Asked Questions About our Adoption.

1)      Are we getting a boy or a girl? Although you can specify a gender, we chose not to, so we do not now yet if it will be a boy or a girl.

2)      How much does adoption cost? A whole lotta money.  Around $28,000.

3)      Where is the baby coming from? Although our agency is nationwide so technically he or she could come from anywhere in the US, the baby will probably come from the Pacific Northwest area where we live.

4)      What is an adoption agency? Experts in the adoption process that help people to adopt, and very often provide substantial assistance to the birth mother at no cost to her. Our adoption agency, Bethany Christian Services, focuses on every aspect of adoption. They take great care to see that the birth mother as well as the adoptive family is taken care of before and after the adoption.

Money

Money: Why Does Adoption Cost so Much and How Are Middle Class People Like Us Going to Pay for It?

            Good question, hard answers. A typical adoption costs between $28,000 and $30,000. This hefty cost breaks down lawyer fees, paperwork fees, court fees, and agency fees as well as potentially assisting in the medical costs of the birth mother.  How are we, a one income, middle class household going to pay for it? Have you ever hear the phrase, “a wing and a prayer” or just “prayer, prayer, prayer”?  Simply put, without assistance, we can’t afford it. We have been doing some fundraising and will be doing lots more (if you have any great fundraising ideas we would love to hear them). There are scholarships and grants you can apply for, each of these pay up to $3,000 and so we will apply to as many of those as we can but the applications are about as tedious as applying for an adoption itself so it is a long process. There are also non-interest loans you can apply for with adoption based mostly on the agreement that you will pay them back with your adoption credit from your taxes the next year. We will probably do that as well. We are already down to $23,000 so we have a little ways to go yet.

How does adoption work Today?

How does adoption work today?

            A lot of people have asked about how this whole adoption thing works.  To begin with, it depends on what type of adoption you are pursuing.  A foreign adoption has it’s own challenges (and rewards) and is worth an article in and of itself.  We are pursuing a domestic (United States, probably even the Northwest), infant adoption.  Here are the basics on how that works:   

            Once you decide you want to adopt you have to choose an adoption agency that you believe will fit with you. There are a myriad of options available; you can choose from faith-based or secular, agencies with a specialty, or agencies that work primarily in a given geographic region.  It is a good idea to choose a few to make contact with and see who you feel comfortable working with. 

Once you have chosen an agency to work with you will need to begin the application process. This is a surprisingly intimate and personal process; it typically begins with filling out several forms and questionnaires, having an interview, obtaining a physical, and finally the home visit. The idea of a home visit is intimidating to some people but there is really no reason for this; it was in fact one of the more simple parts of the process, and really one of the most enjoyable.  When all is said and done you will have shared essentially your whole life story, and this is when the real fun begins as you get to really start thinking about the new baby that is going to be a part of your life.

            Now that we have fully introduced and described ourselves to the adoption agency, it is time to describe what we are looking for in a baby.  In truth, this part of the process can feel awkward at times, as we select characteristics of the mother and baby we are comfortable with or uncomfortable with, but it is an important part of the process and important to be honest with yourself and your adoption case worker about what you are able to handle and not handle as parents.  You will be asked questions about the race and gender of the baby, the family history of the birth parents (Will you accept a baby from a mother with a mental health history?) and the pregnancy process (Will you accept a baby from a mother who was on drugs during pregnancy?). There are many, many questions like this for you and your spouse to answer, and the birth parents will be answering a similar list of questions about you and your lifestyle.  When this process is complete the adoption agency acts as a sort of matchmaker between the birth and adoptive parents, finding 3-4 adoptive families that match the characteristics the birth mom is looking for.

            As an adoptive family you will create a scrapbook that will introduce you to the birth parents, including family pictures, activities you enjoy, and letters to each of the birth parents.  This again can sometimes feel awkward, as you begin to think of “selling yourself” to the birth parents or competing against the other adoptive parents, but a better approach is to simply view it for what it is, an introduction to who you are, and trust in God for the rest.  From these scrapbooks the birth mom picks one or two families she would like to meet after which both adoptive and birth parents will make a decision if they want to proceed.

            Approximately 98% of the adoptions that take place today in the United States are open adoptions, which means that you, the birth parents, and the baby will be staying in contact with each other even after the adoption takes place.  You will send the birth parents regular updates and pictures and even have meetings together every now and again. This sort of arrangement, while perhaps intimidating at first, has proven to be the most beneficial for all involved as it provides closure and completeness.  

            When the big day comes we will have built a relationship with the birth mom based on mutual support and encouragement, and when our baby is born he or she will leave the hospital with us, our newest member of the family.  In the meantime, we are working hard at the part of the adoption process we haven’t mentioned yet, raising the funds.  All told, the adoption will cost around $28,000, but more on that to come.

           

About Us

      Welcome to the Stults family: Dan, Jenny, and India! Dan and I have been married for twelve years and our daughter India is five years old. Dan is a counselor and I (Jenny) am a stay at home mom. We have lived in the great Pacific Northwest our whole lives and we love it here. There is a unique history and culture in the northwest that we enjoy being a part of, not to mention the opportunity to experience nature.  We are frequent hikers, especially if there is a waterfall involved, and we love camping, playing in the snow, or spending the day at the beach.  If for some reason we aren’t able to do that there is still a grand adventure to be had at a nearby park, which we do frequently.  One of our favorite things to do is explore antique stores or search for hidden treasure at a thrift store. Its lots of fun to see if we can “out-treasure” each other and India loves it too, although her treasure is generally a stuffed animal. We have a great love of history and cultures of all sorts and love finding places “off the beaten path” such as ghost towns or little family diners and finding unique experiences to be a part of like visiting pirate ships and searching for fossils.  If we need a more relaxed time we can always spend the day at the movie theater; that way we’ll be prepared for the yearly Academy Awards party with our family and friends. 

     
     We spend a lot of our time with our enormous family on both sides, who almost all live in the area. Dan has five
     brothers and I have two brothers and three sisters and we each have our parents. We are all really close and all
     love each other greatly.  In this day and age it is unusual to have a family that is so big and so close as ours both
     are and we are very grateful for them. We celebrate birthdays together; have dinner together every week and
     every now and again even travel together.  We have a church family too that we are very grateful for and enjoy
     serving with.  We have fun working with the youth group and help in the Sunday service as well, serving
     communion and Dan even preaches every now and again.  India runs around and is the cutest little four year old
     in the whole congregation (it helps that she’s the only four year old.) We love our church family and are grateful
     to have found a loving home with them. Every Sunday I have ladies ask me how our adoption is going and when
     will they have a new baby to love on.

    Our love story began in high school at church camp. It turns out we went to the same high school and the same
    church, but at the time our youth group was so large we didn’t realize that we almost knew each other. He says it
     was love at first site but it took a couple months to convince me. After being friends and then dating for a couple
    of years we got married, too young, too foolish, but too in love not to. The two of us went off on the adventure
    of college together and received our undergraduate degrees from Boise Bible College. In college we meet some
    of the best friends of our entire lives, two of whom became India’s godparents. After college we moved back
    home to Oregon and Dan went to school for a double masters degree in counseling and divinity. In 2006 we
   accomplished one of our lifelong dreams and went on a three-week tour of the holy land. It was the most
   amazing experience to walk in the footsteps of Jesus.  Traveling to foreign places and cultures has been a
    rewarding experience for both of us and one we plan to continue with our children.

  
   In May of 2007 we were blessed with our first child, India. She turned our whole lives upside down and it was
   fantastic. It was also hard, to be sure, but somehow we discovered there more love, strength, and perseverance
   than we’d ever known. One of the great mysteries of parenthood so far is how we could add even more love
   than already existed into our little family, but that’s what happened. Another mystery is how well we functioned
   on so little sleep, but we managed to do that too!  India is four years old and has such passion for, well, everything. 
   Some of her favorite things are climbing and jumping and wearing princess dresses, sometimes all at the same
   time. We recently moved her up from a toddler bed to a twin bed and as we were setting it up she ran around in
   circles screaming, “I love my new bed!”  She really enjoys monsters and ghosts and pirates too, such a unique
   combination! She goes to preschool several days a week and loves it, and loves it even more when mommy or
   daddy are the parent helper.  India enjoys having a big family too, with lots of cousins her age to play with.  She
   loves to rhyme and sing songs she has made up. One time her and Dan sang an impromptu opera, which was one of the funniest   and most adorable things I have ever seen.  She cannot wait for a baby brother or sister and talks about it often,
  going on and on about how she will help take care of it and sing to it when it cries.

  Even before Dan and I got married we knew we would adopt someday. It wasn’t even a discussion really, we
   both just knew. To us it was simple; there were hundreds of babies that needed to be loved, why wouldn’t we
   love them, at least some of them? We truly feel that our family was meant to be built in this way, that it is a calling
   from God.  Even though India is the love of my life and has been since the second she was born I did not love
   being pregnant. In fact it was just the opposite, I hated being pregnant. My body and mind did not respond well
   to the pregnancy; I was sick 24 hours a day and soon felt that I was not myself.  At 30 weeks I went into preterm
   labor and was rushed to the hospital.  After I was stabilized I was moved to another hospital with a neonatal unit
   where I stayed for two weeks.  Even after I returned home I was on bed rest.  I had been sent home with the solemn warning   that another pregnancy would likewise be high risk, perhaps higher risk than this one was.  This was a scary,
   painful time for me, Dan, and our whole family, but it was a sure sign also that now was the time to follow the
   tugging on our hearts that God had long ago placed there, to build our family in a different way.  Having a little girl
   who wouldn’t understand such a difficult ordeal, but somehow does seem to understand the idea of adoption in a
   way that is beyond her years makes the calling even more sure.

  So this is us, a family of adventurers and explorers, of movie buffs and history geeks.  Our hopes and dreams
   include leading a life of contribution to our family, our church, and our community, surrounded by nature and
   thanking God everyday for the peace and contentment He has provided us.  And, of course, we dream of
   adopting a child and experiencing that great adventure of love and caring with all the trials and triumphs that come
   with us. 

   Thank you for taking the time to read our letter and for getting to know us a little bit more. May God be with you
   and give you peace in this time of great decision-making.

                                                                                    Dan, Jenny, and India Stults