Really I have nothing to say, but I feel like I haven't written in a really long time and I have some time to kill so I guess I'll think of something. I talked to our case worker the other day. She informed me that we've been on the waiting list for a baby for 16 months. O is that all and here I've been telling people it's been a year and a half. She also said that two of our books were out right now with birthmothers who were considering us (I'm not sure that she was supposed to tell me that). So lets pray that one of them thinks we are as great of a family as I know we are.
It has become apparent that we have a pejudice against us because we already have a child and birth mothers it appears, prefer to give thier child to parents who don't already have childern. This INFURIATES me. I feel like I'm being punished for already being a good mother (and father) and whats worse is your punishing my daughter who so despertaly wants to be a big sister (and will be the best big sister anyones ever had). It makes me so sad, instead of looking at us and saying "o look at what great parents they already are to India, they will be great parents to my child too" were not even considerd.
According to my calculations we only need to raise about $4,000 more dollars before we have all the money needed for adopton. This makes me estatic! $4,000 is a lot of money but its a drop in the bucket compared with the total cost of $28,000. I can't believe we raised that much. THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who helped us do so. And hey I need another great fundraising idea, anybody got any?
And we wait! We wait and we wait and we wait. We wait for God's timing wich we know is perfect but we are not and it is hard to wait. And we wait. And it is frustrating to wait. And we wait. And I can't make a pretty tear off chain to count down the days because we don't know how long it will be. And we wait. And we reconsider if were doing this the right way even though we both really feel this is what God wants us to do. And we wait. I can't cross off days on the calander because we don't have a stopping point. And we wait. India and I play in the babies room that has been ready for months and we talk about how great it will be to have a baby. And we wait. I bought India a shirt that says "awesome big sister" and I'm worried it won't fit her by the time she is one. And we wait. People ask me everyday for good news about the baby and I have none. And we wait. I worry that my childern will be so far apart in age that they won't be close like I am to my siblings. And we wait. Why God do you make us wait when you know waiting is not my strong point? And we wait.
Someday we will have a perfect baby, It will have parents that will love it with there whole heart and soul. It will have a big sister that will cherish it and fight with it and defend it, and get in trouble with it. It will have grandparents that adore it and think it can do no wrong, it will have aunties and uncles that will spoil it. It will have cousins to play with and get into mischif with. It will have the best most loving family ever. I know because it's already there, it's my family and we are ready for you baby. But for now we wait.
